Aristotle in his prime, on right.
Dateline: Babylon, 6 July, 323 BC
• Today a shocking claim surfaced regarding the premature death of worldbeater Alexander the Great in June of this year. Implicated in the complex, inter-continental scheme is celebrated Greek philosopher Aristotle, who taught Alexander for three years before the teenager became Great.
• The alleged plot revolves around an unusual toxin, the waters of the River Styx. According to uncorroborated reports from Babylon, Pella,
and Athens, the caustic brew was supposedly provided by the famed philosopher, now sixty-something and retired. The deadly water, found only in the Underworld, would have traveled thousands of miles to reach the city of Babylon. Informants insist that the secret weapon must have been carried in a mule’s hoof, well known to be the only receptacle capable of safely containing the fatally frigid Styx brand of H2O.
• In other developments, bloggers broke the story that Cassander and Ptolemy, two of the principals vying for the late Great’s empire, had longstanding ties to Aristotle. With schoolmate Alex, they’d studied at the feet of the now-venerable old codger and putative poisoner mastermind. The two men declined to comment, saying that they were “way too busy arguing about who gets what to dignify this with an official statement.”
Hellish locale of River Styx: source of icy Alex killer?
Awesome last line. Love this series.
I love the underlying humor in these tales as you use modern terms. Makes me want to read more.
Vicki – Thanks for all the images, which make your blog even more interesting!
This made me laugh out loud! With your wit, even ancient history becomes a source of fascination and humor. Loved the part about the mule’s hoof!
Thanks, Margot–humor is my secret weapon to keep people reading. After all, things like the mule’s hoof and the killing power of icy water, much less the River Styx! it is so wild, I envy the person who made it up to begin with!
Thanks, Caroline—I just love the scene of the Underworld and the River Styx. We are so fortunate to have sites like wiki commons and karens whimsey to give us access to some of these very worthy paintings and other art works of centuries ago, when artists were really into ancient myths and themes. On today’s post, please be sure to click on the “funeral car” engraving because it is a long horizontal piece of art–much more impressive and understandable when you can see all of it.
Very much appreciate your comments, Mary Ann–I think of this sort of writing as a device to bridge the gap between our culture and theirs. Not always easy to do, and I sometimes get criticized for being “too flippant” and not reverent enough about the past, but I feel it’s my job to make history as vivid and entertaining (and gruesome and poignant etc) as I can.
Thanks, Vicky! Who could go wrong with this kind of material, right? It’s enough for 20 books! even for children, at least, parts of it. If only I could write books faster….
More and more I think you should be writing history textbooks. There would be hope for the students retaining something.
Dear library Pat,
perish the thought! I think most textbooks are part of the problem. In some ways, it is not the fault of the textbook authors—they are required to jump through so many hoops, it must grind most of the freshness out of their work. I think that having more enrichment books like mine as tools that uncover different aspects of life in other times would give context to classroom use of textbooks.