Dateline: Alexandria, Egypt, 215 BC
• This month, the gold-clad body of well-mellified world conquerer Alexander the Great reached what is hoped to be his final destination.
• Presiding over the ribbon-cutting ceremonies at the grandiose edifice complex dubbed “the Soma” or possibly “the Sema” was the current Egyptian ruler: Ptolemy IV Philopater, the great-grandson of Ptolemy I, the dynasty’s founder.
• “I won’t bore you with the details, but let me say that I’m relieved to finish the job that my great-granddaddy began over a century ago,” Ptolemy IV said to an avid crowd outside Alexandria’s most prestigious dead-celebrity highrise.
• “Great-granddady, being the close personal friend of Alex, and member of the inner circle, and all, I don’t think he realized what a chore it would be to fulfill Alex’s last wishes. But he did it. He rerouted Alex, made sure that cadaver sped south to Egypt.”
• As he cut the ribbon to the Soma entrance, Ptolemy IV rattled off a litany of excuses, saying: “The first three Ptolemies got so busy, what with dynasties to build, and heirs to procreate, to say nothing of lighthouses and libraries and other stuff that had to get erected—small wonder there were delays. OK, a few gigantic delays.”
• As the crowd began to drift away, Ptolemy brought the ceremony to a close with a brief tour. The press corps was excluded from the area housing Alexander in his golden trappings, officials citing the usual “security concerns.”
• The Soma skyscraper and its sculpture-laden levels are said to be modeled after the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus in Asia Minor, one of the seven Wonders of the world. Officials in Alexandria are hopeful that their architectural homage will gain traction, becoming an official Wonder itself. That would give Alexandria the prestige of twin Wonders, the other being the Pharos lighthouse.
• As one city booster said, off the record, “Hey, the Colossus of Rhodes fell down awhile ago. We should be able to claim that spot!”
The first mausoleum—was the Soma similar?
One of Alexandria’s wonders, the Pharos lighthouse
Im truly amazed the famous funereal armour stayed with him for so long…. Caligula wouldnt be nabbing it for almost 250 years!
I wonder if it smelt like Honey when he wore it!
H
Greetings! I don’t know. does honey smell? do smells cling to gold? these are all intriguing questions. Stay tuned for Monday’s post, for another twist in the apparently endless Alex saga.
Tourism boosters and city executives haven’t changed much over the years. Anything to promote their locale.
Isn’t that amazing? Thanks for your far-sighted comment, pat.
You have the most amazing mind, Hasan…actually I think it is quite extraordinary that more wasn’t purloined from Alexander’s body and accessories over all those centuries. It must say something about the reverence in which he was held because evidently, in his various resting places, he was not heavily guarded or kept at a distance from visitors. That itself is a bit strange. Yet another story?? One could go mad with all the twists and turns!