Dateline: Babylon, 11 June 323 BC
This morning, an elite triage unit of soothsayers and other medical experts rushed to the palatial Babylonian bedside of world conqueror Alexander the Great, only to see their frantic efforts, including a 3-piglet sacrifice and an entrail reading, fail to revive him. The seemingly indestructible Macedonian had been stricken with abdominal pains and
high fever for two weeks, following a mid-May junket into a mosquito-infested swamp.
Reporters also learned that during one of several all-nighter
drinking sessions in late May, Alex experienced what close friends called “sudden, sword-stabbing agony.”
Finger-pointing and the blame game immediately began, spearheaded by Aristander, longtime prediction consultant to the newly-expired leader. Professionals from Babylon’s ominous portents division were quick to respond. Their spokesman, who insisted on anonymity, volunteered several shocking relevations. “Frankly, King Alexander had already upset our Persian god Marduk by entering Babylon through the unlucky west gate. To make amends, Alex offered to rebuild our city’s ziggurat—and then reneged on the deal! To our minds, that clinched his fate.”
Shortly after Alexander’s top aides made his death public, outpourings of anguish convulsed the city, necessitating a rush order for a cadre of grief counselers. Their lament tents will remain open daily near the Gates of Ishtar to help sorrowing throngs cope with the tragedy
Well Vic, as always your writing makes me laugh outloud. This morning I nearly choked. I hope when I die someone does a 3-piglet sacrifice for me (of course they’ll be soy piglets). And may the lament tents stay open 24/7. You are the best! Love, Robin
Thanks for all your comments! Keep reading Mon-Wed-Fri
Dear Fellow historical detective,
LOVE your new blog–especially this piece on Alexander’s death.
As you know, many of his friends thought their beloved leader had been murdered. By coincidence, I’m collaborating with a toxicologist to figure out the identity of the fabled poison they suspected. We’ll annouce our results at the upcoming International Toxicological Meetings in Barcelona next month.
Looking forward to “How to Mellify a Corpse”!
Adrienne Mayor
Am enjoying this blog and learning what I was obviously too bored to retain in school.
@library pat: Just like me, you were bored in history class. Which is a shame because history is such a fascinating, vital subject. I like writing about it in this outrageous, off-the-wall style. It wakes people up to the possibilities of history. to the excitement of it. Thank you!